December 29th, 2017
It’s time to write. Because this monkey mind is driving me crazy and I have nowhere to turn to. Don’t want to bother anybody with these crazy, motherfucking energy draining, endless circular recipe-for-insanity stories. So what’s going on? From the outside you would say no facking thing. And currently I’m doing much better. 10 minutes ago however, I was laying in my bed and an increasing feeling of unease, discomfort, restlessness, pain, anxiety, anger, loneliness befall me. Most certainly, this has to do with the fact that the craziness started off yesterday evening and I went to sleep with it. Perhaps one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves: go to sleep and it will be gone in the morning. Hahaaa. Note to self: it won’t. It will creep into your system the minute you wake up and remember. Remember what? All the facked up thoughts you were thinking the night before. Accompanied by some new ones, obviously. Because there are always new facked up thoughts to add to the pathetic endless story of the lonely, miserable, insecure, anxious, jaleous, faaaacked upppp me. Me, me, me, me, me, me, oooh so pathetic little me. Always some new juicy anecdotes mostly with the same characters, most DEFINITELY to the same story line. Oh, how this can go on forever. How to break the spell and get out of this facking mess? You just have to stop, look, and see “it”, your personal soap drama, for what it is. Your tailored made story of bullshit assumptions, imaginary thought-trains, delusions and fears that will lead you straight to hell and beyond if don’t snap out of it. It’s endless, or well, endless to the point that you get so sick of it that you choose to let go and choose your peace of mind over all that bullshit. You will just have to seize that opportunity before you have let yourself get deluded to the extent that you get really facked up and start believing that the only course of action left to take to get you out of this misery is to go and make an end to your life.
Geez, this sounds so horrible, but it’s true. Who created this horrible voice in our minds? Because truly, it’s the same guy in everyone. Like a slick salesman, he tells each and everyone exactly what we need to hear to get us on a one way trip to hell, if we believe him. This is where our power comes in and thank God, this is in each and every one of us as well. You have the choice to go with him or not. You know that saying, you give him your finger and he takes your whole hand? Same with this guy. If you buy one piece of the stuff he so persistently is trying to sell you, this fella puts his entire shop on sale and gets all the goodies out you can’t refuse. Now he knows your style he knows exactly what to offer you to smack that money and to put it alllll in there baby. So, how to get rid of him? You don’t. This salesman is a salesman by heart and you shouldn’t blame, envy or dislike him for it. Actually, you should be inspired by him! This guy never gives up and always looks for ways to sell. If you buy into him easily, his business flourishes and his assets grow accordingly. What was a cozy little shop at first turned into a big facking mall to provide you with an amazing collection of personalized anecdotes and detailed descriptions of your biggest fears, insecurities, memories, projections and thoughts, because that’s his trade. However, if you are not interested in what he has to offer you, he has nothing on you and his sale attempts will diminish. The shopping mall will shrink to a little carpet on the floor. Nevertheless, this guy will not give up. No matter how many years you have refused to buy a thing from him, he will always be waiting patiently for an opportunity to sell you something. He might be quiet for a while, but as determined as he is, from time to time, he will keep showing you his assets. What he is selling you is past and future: both of which are nothing but memories in your mind. Changing constantly too, by the way. And are of no use to the present moment, which is all there is.
So, now that we have created an entire concept of a Mr. Mind #1 Salesman with a shopping market and and carpet and blablabla, let’s throw it out of the window. Forget it all. The point is, my friends, that YOU have the power. Always have and always will. It’s just something you have to remember. Remember and seize the opportunities. Your monkey mind is nothing but a voice in your head, and only has any power over you if you choose to believe so. And most probably, you have experienced yourself that believing your monkey mind will not get you ANYWHERE, will only keep you off beat and out of touch with life. See your thoughts and feelings for what they truly are and with that, most importantly, know yourself for what you truly are. You are the one who is seeing all of it. Having nothing to do with it. It’s all just a play on your screen. So choose freedom, let that shit go and enjoy the gift that is right what and where you are NOW.
